Forgiven.

“….Ok Nafiz, now that he’s said sorry, you forgive him and then you will be buddies again. Understood?”

A blank stare trailed off towards the end of the classroom as 4 year old Nafiz was trying to wrap his head around this controversial idea.

Forgive him? Just because he said 1 simple word? What if he steals my toy again, or makes fun of me? I don’t understand, and I definitely don’t like this. I’d much rather just punch him in the gut and call it even.

And thus was the introduction to my first experience with the idea of “Forgiveness”. What was yours?

Growing up, I never really understood the idea of forgiveness. It seemed like a silly way to keep yourself vulnerable to the same mistake of trusting others.

“I’ve been lied to before. With their ‘this is the last time’, ‘I won’t do it again’ and even ‘I love you’…

‘I’m sorry’ isn’t exactly a difficult lie to get passed others.”

I was absolutely baffled; Some made it seem so easy, whereas others continue to suffer because just like myself, they did not fully grasp the idea of forgiveness.

So, what is it to forgive?

Forgiving (in my experience) is the process of making an infringement into a memory- detached from the present and no longer a burden. Infringement on what, exactly? Your happiness of course. Don’t mistake this for a vain gesture of maturity. Forgiveness is your one-way ticket to move forward, and see clearly to learn from the past.

But how?

“Forgive and forget.” Do you realise that in this saying, forgiveness and forgetting are two separate things? Because many don’t. Instead, it is often mistaken as synonyms.

Although there is no step by step guide to forgiveness, the first objective you need to complete is acceptance which is a big concept, filled with much needed context. It’s not just acceptance of the occurrence, but also why it had come to be in the first place.

Very importantly, acceptance of your responsibility in the matter too, with no excuses. You too are part of this equation, and you need to think “Have I contributed to this infringement?” and contemplate your own apologies. Forgiveness is an exercise, artform and a dance with the ego, and many a time it’s a solo routine. Sometimes, it needs to be that way because we also need to accept that you may never receive an apology from the infringing party.

There’s so much to explore in this topic, and if you’ve liked this introduction so far, let me know with a like or follow and we can explore a chapter of the Forgiven.

Thanks for reading.

No time to read? No problems. Here’s a recording of my blog to save you some time.

3 Truths About Grieving

Three truths about grieving

Grieving, undoubtedly, is something we are not taught on how to do. To be honest, it’s probably impossible to do so. However, one other thing we cannot doubt is, in times of grief, we all need a little guidance.

We see so much from the media. We learn to expect from both ourselves and others so much more than what is needed in life. It’s not a picture perfect process. You can grieve for the small things. Most importantly, everyone has their own way of grieving.

In memory of my fluffy godson.

Here are 3 Truths about Grieving

#1) You can’t escape it.

Tempting as it may be, a reality where experiencing grief is optional does not exist. Don’t get me wrong, you can run from it, and many people do choose that option to begin with. I would argue it’s a natural response as well; nobody wants to writhe in that pain- But in the end, the reality of the matter always comes back to find you.

With that being said, don’t expect it to come straight away. Grief is a process of honesty. Your heart will show its true colours eventually. Some people grieve before the deed is done; almost like preparing the soul. Some people don’t realise how much someone means to them until it’s too late to say.

Whichever the case is, it doesn’t make you any more or less of a person.

#2) It’s not a simple process

Unlike how movies portray it, it’s rare to be able to bleed out all the emotion in one sitting, then be fine as if nothing happened. The soul can only take so much at a time, so it comes and goes in waves for some people.

Some of those waves are small, like a current pulling you towards the right direction. Some crash like something that could sink the Titanic. Suddenly, you don’t know what is up; or down.

There are moments where you’ll feel fine, and maybe there will linger this feeling of guilt. Some obligation that you need to be sad. Then, there are moments where being productive is the last thing on your priority list, next to eating, or feeling any emotion at all.

I can’t say that it’s all natural. Sometimes, grief taps into, and brings out such deep and dark emotions, down from places and memories we had almost forgotten or didn’t know existed. It’s crazy, and it’s definitely not pretty to begin with. But its beauty can be found at the end of the tunnel. Just make sure you focus on getting there.

#3) You are not alone.

Most people would expect me to say something like “Remember that all things must meet their end one day” or

“Remember that those that you love, that love you in turn, only want to see your happiness.” “Remember that there is a future that still needs you, that is the end of the tunnel.”

Something to do with moving on, knowing that grieving is temporary. But that’s not always true. Yes, when you’re ready, remember those things that keep you moving forward, in love and light.

But that advice is something known all too well and told too soon. Time and time again, people can’t get to the recovery stage because they cannot handle the weight of it all. That’s because grief is not something many can handle alone.

So, remember. You are not alone. You may prefer to be alone, and that’s fine; but never fall into the trap that you must be alone. That’s just not true. Grief is a hardship that has claimed countless souls. Don’t let it take more than what is needed.

Thank you.

Thank you for reading. I hope one day, these truths will help you, as they have helped me.

No Time to Read? Listen below:

https://on.soundcloud.com/U1C9K

Lessons In Darkness

One of the duties and rarely known occurrences for a happiness enthusiast is that similar to a warrior of the light, sometimes we must revel in the dark times in order to com forth wiser, and more confident. Sometimes, we just need to keep moving.

It’s been a while. Here are some lessons I’ve learnt in darker times.

Forgive, but don’t forget.

What is your interpretation of the word forgiveness? If it is something as truly simple as not feeling angry or resentful for something, then why is it so important that we say
“forgive and forget“?

The fact is, “forgiveness” is something that is understood at levels, and is processed through layers. One of which, is coming from a place of acceptance. In darker times, sometimes we find it hard to forgive others. In the darkest of times, we find it impossible to forgive ourselves.

Honor yourself.

This may come off more anecdotal and subject to my journey, but I see many people who have the habit to put others first. Other things, other people, others needs.

If you are one of those people, and especially if you feel entitled, give your decisions a second thought and put a hand on your chest, and honour yourself first. This is a decision that you will have to learn never to forget.

Live them as your last.

Part of this journey involved the passing of someone I had no idea would leave us so suddenly, and from that, someone I had no idea I valued so much.

And I really wish I got to speak with you one last time.

It reminded me once more, to live your encounters as if they may be the last. If it were your last day, is there someone you’d want to- or need to speak to?

Do you have any last confessions?

…And live them as you last.

There is no guarantee you survive every night. There is no guarantee you don’t either. Given that you do, make it worth your while. If there is a tomorrow

What meaning do you want to give your life?
What meaning would life give you?

It’s good to be back. I hope that I can write you again soon.

Prologue

/Prologue/

Lessons in darkness is a semi-poetic blog aimed towards those in dark and depressing times, through anecdotal consolations of the author, Nafiz.

“It’s not through only our great times that our light shines brightest, but at our darkest.”

This piece was inspired by the books 12 Rules of Life (Jordan B. Peterson) , and Top 5 Regrets of the dying (Bronnie Ware)

Letters of conflict.

“Conflict…. has been such a painful journey for the both of us, hasn’t it?

We often try to avoid conflict. Fear of loss, hurting someone we love. Fear of being judged, disliked by others and resulting in being alone. These are just a few of many reasons we fight to never fight again.

However, there are some things that need to be said, in order to truly be heard.

If you forget all that I say to you, remember this one thing: When you are in midst of conflict, speak as if you love, and as if this is the last time. Learn this lesson before life finds its own way to teach you. When you speak this way, “winning” becomes less important. Then, you can see clearly what is it that is needed to be said.

When you are emotional, acknowledge it, honour it and never deny it.

When you apologise, apologise deeply and sincerely. If it lacks substance, do it again. Deeper, and more firm. Do it as many times until you are satisfied with it, knowing you may never see this person again.

…And finally, take care of yourself. Work stress, financial stress, family and relation stress all force us to think too fast and take shortcuts. When we do not fill our own cups, we put ourselves in a position where we do more harm than good.

When you smile, smile deeply. When you cry, cry deeply too. Even crying can be an uplifting and enlightening experience.

Whatever happens though, please. Don’t let it ruin the moment.

The end! Some closing notes:

I understand that this piece has more depth to it that’s not easy to read initially. This has been more of an expression of art/emotion rather than a logical and constructive read, I hope you enjoy it!

Note carefully, the usage of “I” (none), “Us” & “we” (partial) and “You” (throughout the entire piece).

Note even more carefully, the lack of any of these terms in the ending passage. The idea of this message is that you do not know who this artist is talking to. It could be a letter to themselves or a cautionary tale to a specific someone, but in the end, they are talking to you.

You may also note the initial quotation mark that doesn’t have an ending. This is a way of expressing that this letter isn’t truly over and neither are the lessons you learn of conflict.

Some minor phrase translations:

“Fight to never fight again”
Our tendency to avoid conflict to the point that we create more mess and misery for ourselves in the future

“When you are in midst of conflict, speak as if you love and as if this is the last time.”
People like to use the word compassion. To be honest, I think sometimes the word compassion alone can’t convey the feeling to its full effect. But when you review those words, you understand what it means.

“When you are emotional, acknowledge it, honour it and never deny it.”
Bringing awareness to ‘triggers’ in arguments.

“Whatever happens though, please. Don’t let it ruin the moment.”
Don’t let even tough moments lower your vibration. Stay strong. These are my final words/letter to you!!

What makes you feel close to a person?

“This space is for self improvement”
The brand of H/e

I had a think about what the main values or points I want my concept of “Happiness Enthusiast” to be branded by. Here’s what I have so far:

Learning with good intentions

I feel like a lot of the things I find out or learn about can be very easily used for the wrong purposes. I’m always curious and want to spark curiosity in another individual, but not by giving the tools to manipulate and hurt others. I always write content with this intention in mind.

Inspire more ideas

Like I said earlier, it gives me great joy when I spark curiosity in someone else. When I see that in their eyes feeding on new information and swelling with new questions. This is what makes a conversation fun for me and a connection becomes much more authentic and meaningful from there. You can really find out about what someone may be about just by knowing what makes them curious or passionate.

…And hence : This space is for self improvement.
For those looking to become better and happier. Please feel at home.

Remember that feeling of meeting that one person, and it felt like that even though you’ve just met them, in your heart you’ve known them for a long time. What is that feeling?

Closeness is something that many people look for. To feel like they’re not alone. Or to feel like they belong. Not trying to be too scientific, but here’s my take on it:

Being understood

We as human beings spend a long time searching for that feeling of being heard and being understood. Some connection that we may not find in our own family or parents that somehow someone in our own generation, or from a different culture just understands. It’s such a surreal feeling, but it’s also something that we can learn from.

If you ever have been pointed as the person that “feels like a piece of home” you likely often demonstrate active listening, and empathy. Receiving this, you feel understood, heard and when you do it, you make the counterpart feel the same. Such a fuzzy feeling. What’s better is that you can learn to be that comforter too, these are very simple but fulfilling skills.

If you know the story, this is a great example of very deep memories, bringing closeness to our hearts as viewers and as characters.

Shared experiences

This is something that you can’t really fabricate and that’s what makes it so powerful. You could draw from experiences of sharing a meal, to fighting a war together or as partners in crime. If you’ve never had a friend that felt like this, you may have watched movies or have dreamt/thought of having that type of connection that’s on a completely different level.

Theoretically, experiences shared in adversity or in changing parts of life (ie. Childhood memories) tend to place themselves in the deeper part of the brain, hippocampus and) make it harder to forget (please don’t make me source that). Fun fact, this is believed where the first kiss of most people is placed too (how cute).

Trust and Vulnerability

These are the two most logical traits in measuring how close one person feels to another. In such a way, you can try asking such questions:

How much do I trust this person/what is the lengths I could go in trusting this person?

Where does this person belong in my heart? (Categorising between platonic, familial and romantic)

What are the things I can share with this person? Experiences, secrets or even just ideas and opinions

What do you think?
I want to know! Do you like the brain stuff? Do you have new ideas?

What is it that makes you feel close to someone? You must let me know in the comments! Thanks for reading.

Oh, you started your own business?

This lockdown season, a lot of people are playing the perceptive game of opening their own business. It makes sense. We’re all shut in, on our computer or phones at least 6 hours in the day. Who wouldn’t want to monopolise on this opportunity to sell a product and make a commision?

It is a reasonable thought. But do you know how many business, especially in the small scale start up small and die unheard? Too many!

If you’re starting your own business, have a look at an Expert’s point of View:

Monopoly vs Competition.

One market fight’s over who gets who’s customers for today; breakfast lunch and dinner. If one person wins, the other person loses. If one person wins a lot or ‘too much’, the loser goes home hungry or shutting down shop. This is life being in competition, selling clothes, food, coffee or art!

In another world, Google can choose to advertise for both and all competitors, of which has no stake on who goes where. No matter which way a consumer goes, this company benefits and generates a profit as the consumer is still in their market. Either way, this makes the company as the ‘good guy’ in the sense that it is helpful to the user and revolutionalises the game that’s played, not just for food, but for airlines, for consultancies, for gyms etc. This is how it is like living life in the shoes of monopoly. Changing lives and making money no matter who goes where.

What does this all mean?

Well to put it simply (and there is no hostility or prejudice held at all in this next sentence), would you rather sell generic clothing and bet your success on your “secret recipe” or “uniqueness” in a competitive market? Or, maybe instead you’d prefer to structure your potential business on the premise similar to google. Shift and revolutionise the market and wherever the market grows, you grow.

How?

Here are a couple questions to keep you on track to measure how competition-savvy your model of business is:

Does your business promote competition or teamwork?
Does your product or service have any monopolistic characteristics?
- Advantage in quality
- Advantage in accessibility
- Pricing advantages
Is the industry and market you’re in trending, and capable of revolutionising?

I truly give my thanks to the friends that had inspired some of the realisation I had found in this book, and we’re not even half way through! Not only is it so extremely profound, but has demonstrated clearly the industry I’m involved in- is absolutely phenomenal and how I can even improve my business to be that much more unrivaled.

Do you own or dream to own your own business? Let me know!

Cheers for now,

-Nafiz. Happiness Enthusiast.

The Science of Skepticism [Blog]

There’s so much more info I’d love to share with you as I feel passionate about this, but here is a fair but brief run down. Post your questions down below if you’re curious, or demand a part 2

Let’s take this straight line and reverse engineer the general skeptic.

Black line. You generate the rapport with someone a common moment before proposing an idea.
Red line, your idea has been verbalised and it feels like you’ve walked on a landmine. The guard is up and no prospect in this headspace wants to listen to you.

Not the prettiest diagram I know, but it will suffice.

So, what is made up of this explosive but critical part of a conversation?

Past experience

People have been cheated in a sale. People have been deceived in a relationship. People have heard positive and negative about a product, service or industry.

You can’t blame someone for being skeptical. You can only be patient and empathise. How to do that is really simple :

Open Ended Questions

Questions make people think. They have to take a step off the (emotional accelerator) and steer towards an answer to your question as this is normal conduct in a conversation. The more open ended and initially less intrusive will be more effective.

Labelling

Labelling is a method to let people feel that they are heard, and allowed to speak. After laying down a label, use all your skill to actively listen in on your prospects answer. To properly label someone takes a simple “That must have been frustrating.” or “It sounds like…”

This is KEY as not only does the other person feel heard, you are also verbalising and giving yourself a moment to truly and sincerely empathise with this person.

By the time you’ve hit this point of the discussion, the HEAT of the discussion has hit a steady simmer. Better yet, you’ve provided this person a platform to speak, be heard in a discussion they may otherwise be expected to be disagreed with.

This is something some adults don’t even have with their own parents.

This is what genuine and authentic rapport looks and feels like.

Now that the emotional case is addressed, we can start looking into the logical case which stems from knowledge (or a lack of). I’m sure anyone experienced in sales will know how to accomplish this, but I’m happy to write up a part two based on demand.

Essentially though, is to also establish the proof of their logical argument. Facts, dates, publishers.. Etc. Politely invite them to reveal what facts they’re using to back up their disagreement. A simple “Who told you that?” “When did this happen?” will suffice in showing you and themselves the argument they’re working with.

Whether they are working with a very limited amount of information, false information, or their argument is stemmed from an assumption, there are key ways to handle this.

Most importantly is to then invite to now have your time to speak. This is where the magic happens.

The happiness enthusiast. In his natural, happy and enthusiastic habitat.

Thanks for reading! This was definitely a longer one despite trying to keep it as brief as possible. There’s so much more to share, but the amount of content I’ve written on this has exceeded to an ebook length and brings me back to my Digital Marketing days.

Just like I’ve said before, I no longer involve myself in the digital marketing industry. Or in other words, these tips are free, no strings attached. Want more content? Let me know

A Personal Idea (.2)

In reality, the big winners follow a different rule. The rule that for all that you desire, you must risk your all.

A life where you put your relationship with your family on the line, with the intention to strengthen it, not salvage it. Where you put your money on the line, with the intention to manifest tenfold, not “save” it. I’m not talking about the lucrative and addictive art of gambling.

I’m talking about having the courage to put everything on the line in the present, with the determination that you’ll manifest a future with everything you ever wanted. I see it as a true test and testament to character, whereas some may see it as something to look down upon or shun others out of fear . Not knowing why someone may make such a heavy and risky decision that would otherwise be outside of their comfort zone, you’d often hear them say

“That’s too greedy!” “Just be happy with what you have” “You can’t do that” without realisation that it’s not about greed, and it’s not that you’re not happy. It’s about overcoming those probable flaws by using the natural process of action (or any other flaw involved in that manner).

It’s the process of putting your entire character and being to the true test rather than just backing words with words. It’s definitely not for everyone but it’s possible for anyone. It’s not a pursuit that is any better or more noble, more deserving of recognition than the usual pursuit for comfort. It’s definitely got its costs and benefits but I can assure you one thing:

Stick to one path, and you’re guaranteed to grow and elevate yourself as time passes. Stick to the other, and that very guarantee and freedom is traded for one magic wish. Whatever you want, but only one of it so make sure you think hard about that wish (ie. “money” or “comfort”)..

One path provides one wish. The other provides unlimited wishes. One ideology of thinking sacrifices and trades one resource for another. Another one is abundant and manifests resources (kinda like magic and let’s be honest, not many people would believe in magic so it all makes sense).

This is honestly just how I see it and I believe that whatever the decision we make at that one fork-in-the-road is never wrong.

But for those that are lost in the tracks of this decision, looking for purpose and direction, I recommend to take the path less beaten. If you haven’t found your “purpose” or Ikigai, you’re sure to find it there.

A Personal Idea

Every nowandthen, I see people come out with a caption on social media or a thought that comes across my mind as a syntax error.

It feels like every time I see someone say “I’m going to miss this view!” or “Wish I didn’t have to leave!”, I have this bubbling curiosity on “Well, why can’t you stay?”

when I’m faced with the problem of “I can’t. I don’t have the money for it.” Am I the only one that responds with “Well, I guess I’ll just have to find a way to make more money.” ?

When I’m faced with the problem of being time poor, my mind immediately responds back with “I’ll just find a way to have more time”

When people say “I’m going to miss this view” on their holiday trip, I wonder what it would be like for myself? I know that I’d be envisioning a future where I could stay wherever I want for as long as I want.

Freedom. Time freedom, health freedom… There are so many types of ‘freedom’. I always wish to chase a life with all the freedom I desire.That’s what I envision.

I don’t let “Well, it’s easier said than done” to get me down and distracted and force me to swallow the fate of the normal. Instead, I get more and more determined to run through more fires, troubles, and turbulences in my own life and every time, they become bigger and even more fierce.

In that journey, I realise the system. The ever so prevalent law of the jungle. To live a life that you envision, you truly need to go through some heavy changes in life. In some cases, you have to change the game you play entirely.

In life we’re always playing a +/- game in our heads. Pro’s, con’s and subjectively justifying decisions. We follow the understanding that we have to sacrifice everything in order to achieve one thing.

In reality, the big winners follow a different rule. The rule that for all that you desire, you must risk your all.

This is the difference between the person that will “miss this view” on their social media and the person who has the freedom to leave that same view on their own terms. These are also the type of people that truly love what they do. Not just say it.

Interesting read so far? I know it’s been a long one, so don’t worry if you got tired. Let me know what you think and stay tuned for part two if you’re interested.

Book Review: The One Thing

“Until my one thing is done, everything else is a distraction”

The One Thing (by Gary Keller with Jay Papasan) was one of the very first books I read from cover to cover. There’s a funny story behind how I came past this book, but the end result was that this very book is one that inspired me to really take my life seriously.

This is because the content delivered in this great yellow book often shows how great achievements was made possible through long term effort

The One Thing starts off with the story of it’s beginning and then moving on to busting the most well known productivity myths. For most people, this is a great “productivity book” with some stories to captivate the essence of these lessons.

I’ve seen a lot of side hustlers, aspiring entrepreneurs reading this book and reap fantastic levels of focus and productivity. Some managers I know actually recommend this book to their employees, and they also get the same type of inspiration! It’s seriously amazing.

My favourite parts however are the two poetic concepts: “Life is a game of juggling five orbs…” and “fix the person on the inside first, and the world will come with it”. These two concepts always return to my mind in the most dire of situations and I hope that it stays with the hearts of all those that read it or are told about it.

For me, this was a step-by-step lesson that reassured me that I truly can do what I’ve previously aspired to do. This gave me immense power to push on and then truly take life seriously and honestly speaking, I hope it does the same to you.

I personally recommend this book to those that:

Have a passion project or side hustle
Want to increase productivity and achieve insane results
Are keen on bits of storytelling
Not afraid to lower their ego a little when listening to some myths being busted

“The one thing is THE book that can turn your usual side hustle, passion project or even the productivity of your workplace to the NEXT LEVEL. Reading this book gives you a competitive advantage over your field/industry but more importantly, not reading this book gives competitors the opportunity to reach that advantage over YOU.”